Zarinen knelt in the semi-dark, eyes unfocused, staring through the single burning candle as she relived the events of the day for the hundredth time. Her shivers were not all for the cold seeping through from the bare stone tiles.
She was deep in a discussion with Raeyn Sedai about the Taint, and how best to study it, when a firm knock on the door interrupted them. At Raeyn’s command, Zarinen opened the door to find the Mistress of Novices standing there with her yellow shawl on full display. She curtsied with perfect precision, but a slight frown marred her face as she stared at the shawl. Nynaeve Sedai seldom wore it around the Tower, except for formal occasions. Before she could form a question, Nynaeve uttered the words that froze her to the marrow. “Zarinen Rafaliva, you are summoned to be tested for the shawl of an Aes Sedai. The Light keep you whole and see you safe.” She threw one panicked look towards Raeyn before she could control her expression. Serenity! She had to show absolute calm and perfect composure. Oh Light she was not ready for this!
The walk down to the lowest levels took place in utter silence, whilst Zarinen strove for calm and self-assurance. She had completed the full one hundred weaves three times only, once she and her fellow Accepted started to practice with each other, vying to see who could create the most distraction. It was not enough! Fear dried her mouth, forcing her to reach for calm over and over, only to lose it again at the thought of failure. Failure was not an option. She would never solve the problem of the Taint and men who could channel, if she did not gain the shawl. The large glistening doors loomed before her and were flung open with weaves of Air long before she was ready, but Zarinen followed Nynaeve Sedai into the large chamber with no protest; protest of any kind would mean automatic failure, now. The glistening Ter’Angreal in the centre of the room grabbed her attention so that the faces of the Aes Sedai awaiting her became just a blur, though she thought she saw sympathy in Nynaeve’s eyes.
Kathana’s voice jerked her out of her fearful contemplation, the formal words somehow steadying her. This was what she had been training for, these past 10 years and more.
“You come in ignorance, Zarinen Rafaliva. How would you depart?” Zarinen lifted her chin and faced the Amyrlin with outward calm, the shivers in her tummy growing less as the ceremonial words centred her. “In knowledge of myself.” “For what reason have you been summoned here?” “To be tried.” “For what reason should you be tried?” “So that I may learn whether I am worthy.” “For what would you be found worthy?" “To wear the shawl.”
Removing her clothes was not as big a trial as it would be for some others, but it was still uncomfortably cold, making her wish that Kathana would hurry through her instructions just a little bit. She was surprised to find that channelling Spirit at her was part of the ritual, though she allowed nothing to show on her face. Utter calm. Light help her! She avoided looking at any of the Sisters, focussing on Kathana alone; they would all try to make her fail.
Zarinen forced herself upright; she had not even realized she had huddled over, hugging herself. She looked at her unblemished arms, which just a short while ago had been covered in slashes and burns, inspected now unflayed feet; it served to remind her that she had endured, and succeeded. Images of Trollocs and Fades, ruffians, friends, creatures beyond imagining, all trying to kill her, flashed through her mind once again. Slowly she pushed the images down, relegating them to the past. She had succeeded – that was all that counted. She would not think of Pietr, begging her to Heal him. No – it was not real. Pietr had died years ago. Her old friend. At least he had been spared the agonizing death of some men who could channel, those the Reds were not able to find in time.
Once more Zarinen unwrapped her arms from around her body, breathing in tremulously. A glance at the window showed a faint lightening of the dark sky – it would be time for the final part soon. Rising stiffly, she washed herself in cold water, then donned the banded dress for the last time. She had just given her glistening black hair a final comb when the expected knock on the door came. Some of the seven Aes Sedai awaiting her outside were a surprise, like Larindhra Sedai, though she really had no idea how they were chosen for this occasion. Silently they escorted her through the empty corridors back down to the same chamber as the day before, though this time the huge doors were standing wide open. The ring of Aes Sedai broke up to form a line behind her, as Kathana’s voice rang out inside:
“Who comes here?”
“Zarinen Rafaliva,” she answered clearly, the memories of horror slowly receding as excitement started to take over. In only a few minutes more she would be an Aes Sedai!
“For what reason do you come?”
“To swear the three oaths and thereby claim the shawl of an Aes Sedai.”
“By what right do you claim this burden?”
“By right of having made the passage, submitting myself to the will of the White Tower.”
“Then enter, if you dare, and bind yourself to the White Tower.”
Kathana, the seven striped stole draped across her shoulders, awaited her along with the Keeper, and all three Sitters from each Ajah, as well as one Sister from each. Once more she stepped through the Ter’Angreal, her heart almost freezing, but this time it was only a simple step, no new horrors and trials. Kneeling in front of the Amyrlin, Zarinen held her hands out, palms upwards. Kathana lifted the Oath Rod from the velvet cushion the Keeper held out to her and placed them in Zarinen’s hands, touching it with a thin flow of Spirit.
“Under the light and by my hope of salvation and rebirth, I vow that I will speak no word that is not true.”
“Under the light and by my hope of salvation and rebirth, I vow that I will make no weapon for one man to kill another.”
“Under the light and by my hope of salvation and rebirth, I vow that I will never use the One Power as a weapon except against Shadowspawn, or in the last extreme of defending my life, or that of my Warder, or another Sister.”
Zarinen’s mouth briefly quirked in a half smile as she said Warder, but it was really only in an attempt at distracting herself from the … discomfort of the Oaths settling on her. Light, she thought she might burst out of her skin!
“It is half done, and the White Tower graven on your bones. Rise now Aes Sedai, and choose your Ajah, and all will be done that may be done under the Light.”
Aes Sedai! A tear slid down her cheek as she rose stiffly to curtsy to Kathana, followed by a slight wince as she bent to kiss her ring. The Amyrlin seemed to understand that the tear was from sheer joy, judging by the almost gentle smile she received.
Zarinen gave a slight smile of regret to Raeyn and the other Browns, then walked towards the Red Sisters.